If you have gone through a relationship breakup or divorce and you have children, it can be difficult to maintain a healthy and balanced relationship wit your kids. Once you have gone through the process of mediation and any legal proceedings involving specialist divorce solicitors it is time to put in place processes that ensure you see your kids and give them a good upbringing, despite not being in the traditional family unit.
What can you do as a parent going through divorce to ensure that your kids maintain a healthy relationship with you and your ex-partner?
Think of the Children at All Times – When you are going through a breakup or a divorce it is the easiest thing in the world to think about the pain you want to cause your ex partner, especially if the breakdown in the relationship has been caused by them, or has been particularly painful for both of you. The best thing for your children in these circumstances is for you to forget about revenge and thinking the worst of your ex-partner. Now is the time to focus solely on the children. They don’t want to see their parents bickering, so don’t head in that direction.
Never Discuss Finances with Your Children – If you are paying child support after a breakdown in your marriage it may well be a bone of contention in terms of how your ex-partner came to ask for a certain amount, or for many other reasons. Never mention the child support payments to your children, especially as a way of explaining why you can’t afford something. This could cause your children to feel like you resent them and that it is their fault that you and your ex-partner have split.
Don’t Ask Children to Choose Sides – Always be careful to sit your children down and explain that it is not their fault that their parents have split up and that you will never ask them to choose between you. Always make sure that they understand that there will never be any pressure put on them and that you are happy to see them whenever and wherever they want.
Keep the Talk Positive – Another easy thing to do if you feel wronged after a marriage breakdown is to talk badly of your ex-spouse. This is fine within certain contexts and company, but definitely not in front of your children. The main reason not to act in this way is that the best way your children can live their lives is to have a good and healthy relationship with both parents. If you are bad mouthing the other parent it can damage their view of relationships as well as damaging their relationship with you.
Don’t Ask About Your Ex – If your ex-partner is moving on and is in a new relationship don’t try to find out information through your children. Your time with them is about your own relationship and how you can move forward with them as a priority. Asking about your ex-partner can display jealousy and also put off your children from wanting to have dialogue with you, as they want to discuss things important to them, not your ex-marriage.